It’s 420 and I’m eating ramen and bar cherries.

Playing with my food. Happy 420 everybody! As to the obvious: yes, I did, and I’m about to again. Did you?

We all know the myths and legends about the munchies. A simple Google search turns up multiple pages about the effects of cannabis.  There’s a Harvey Korman movie from the 80s called Munchies.

The house was just a little too warm, or at least I was a still a little used to winter and subsequently overdressed. I took off my hoodie and wished I didn’t have thick socks on. The ramen was still too hot to eat, so I surveyed the rest of the potential ingredients spread across the table in front of me. There was one I knew would be used, one I suspected would be used, and one that had never been tried before. Also, there were Ritz crackers, age unverifiable. 

I had been told, “help yourself to anything in the kitchen. There’s a lot of bad stuff in there.” I must say that I had been informed correctly. It’s not a question, ever, really of “do I eat?” Instead, it’s always “what do I eat? “ I have the munchies, so that morphs into “what can I eat that might taste good that isn’t a lot of work or require too much attention?”

Step 1: Make the ramen.

I had 2 packs of beef ramen at my disposal. I have a pan that fits a sufficient amount of both ramen and water. I have a stove. I will eat tonight! I will not stay hungry. I will feel the same success as my ancestor who was able to bring down a bear in order to assure his own sustenance! Well, maybe not that good, but I will make my own food and not starve tonight. My munchies will be slaked.

Boil the water, add the noodles, turn down the heat to somewhere in the low/simmer range, give it like 3-4 minutes (more or less depending on how soft you want the noodles, longer for softer). Turn off the damn stove.

At its most frequent, it’s something that tastes a little like beef broth with a lot of salt, and some noodles to take up space in ones belly. If anyone eats it frequently enough, it is often embellished in a myriad of ways that differ as much as any two personalities in the world can. I have had many years of experience, and I have my likes and dislikes.

Tonight, I only broke the dry noodles into quarters before putting them into the boiling water. Once they were soft enough to eat, I drained some of the water off, just leaving them covered with maybe another half inch of water above that. I put in my first aftermarket accessory: a few Ritz crackers. I stuck a few in whole for good looks, then broke up a few over the whole top. Adds a little texture, a little flavor. Probably doubles the salt. 

The Polish Dill Pickle is a thing to behold. I love pickles. Dill are my favorite. I’m in it for the gherkins and the bread and butters. I drink pickle juice when I run out of actual pickles. They go in ramen. End of story. 

Perfect when slightly crisp pickles are cut into 1x1” cubes. They were the next to enter the fray.

 
The ingredient that I suspect will go in next is the Stuffed Manzanilla Olives. I am familiar with these olives from holiday times with my family, during which there is always ALWAYS some celery filled with cream cheese and topped with these beauties. Some people don’t like them. I do. I use the long fork I have found to fish one of the small green olives out of the tall skinny bottle. They are smaller than your average pitted black olive. They already have their pits removed, and in each of the little scars, there is a red piece of what’s listed on the ingredients as Pimiento (pimiento, sodium alginate, guar gum, calcium chloride potassium sorbate) They are tasty little red peppers. They don’t have any perceptible heat to them when eating the stuffed olives, but if you drink some of the juice from the jar (I just did), there actually is the familiar tug of the capsaicin that is felt in any of the hot peppers I’ve ever grown or eaten. Muted more than any other I’d had, but still recognizable. 

The last ingredient was something I noticed almost out of sight on the bottom shelf of the fridge, tucked away, looking lonely. Maraschino Cherries with stems. A jar. The first thought through my head? Those don’t go bad, right? They must be full enough of preservatives that if I can bite through it, it probably won’t spew mold into my mouth or poison me to death. So, I’m gonna at least eat a couple of them to judge whether they would make a good or bad addition to this concoction. 

Where the hell is the best used by date on this thing?

But first a moment to sample what I already have so that I know what I’m considering it for. I mix the ingredients, hoping I haven’t typed so long that the soup has gone cold. I snap a couple of pictures, and I have my first non-burning bite. Just noodles and a little bit of Ritz, mushing from sitting. And I am instantly on familiar ground. It might not be home, but it’s certainly something I know very well. My second bite also brings one of the olives, and I note that its sharp flavor works well with the fake broth. If there had been teriyaki sauce in the house, I would have taken my friend Richie’s advice and used that instead of the packet, but there was no such luck. I think the olives would have worked well with that, too. I had a couple more bites until I got a piece of pickle, then pulled over the jar of cherries to compare the taste and examine their edibility.

I look at the jar. Any obvious signs of aging? Not really. No mold. Not gross or dirty. I open the jar, the lid comes off with no trouble. Smell it, ok, smells like it should. Dip in the fork to grab a subject and put in on the inverted lid of the jar, looking for all the world like an autopsy about to commence. The wound in its side leaks sweet red fruit water. 

I pop it into my mouth, stem still on, searching for signs of food gone bad.  None are present. I bite. Success! Every instance of stealing two or three of these from a bar we’re playing while the bartender is getting me a drink fills my face with a smile. I do like familiar food. But whether I like these beauties or not is not the matter at hand! I must stay focused. Will my ramen suck if I put a few of these things in it? I don’t want the rest of my ramen to suck, especially since I’ll be eating all of it either way. Fuck it, let’s try it. Where’s that bowl?......

It’s funny how much they look like grape tomatoes, which would probably make a better addition to this meal, but have a much much shorter shelf life than these cherries.

I put on The Big Lebowski and dug in. The cherries were a bit too sweet for the overall composition, of course, but it was fun. Now I want to think up some desserts, but that will be a project for another night. 

The real story here is about the olives. They almost work in this context. I think that if I was making a more comprehensive spread with a few more layers to bury or balance the strongest of their sharp tang, but to still allow the hot aftertaste of the peppers to come through. That is, to me, the main asset of the Stuffed Manzanilla Olives. I will use them either in a more complex ramen or in any dishes even the slightest bit Greek.

Tomorrow is going to be a crazy underslept day of kids and then a transition to the circus, and either to one circus or another. All I know is that at some point I believe there is going to be a chance to eat bacon brownies, or cupcakes, or both. I can’t remember. =)

Eating dry Ritz crackers without a drink sucks!