Pass This Burrito by Kristofer Jenson

In last week's article, I made peace with Chipotle. It wasn't my favorite, but for what it was - an Americanized joint specializing more in convenience than quality - it wasn't so horrible. The price was right, the service was helpful and attentive, and it tasted good enough. It gives you something to work with.

Having never eaten at Qdoba before, I lumped it in with Chipotle as a forgivable deviation from authenticity. I am so, so sorry, Chipotle. You deserve better.

The first thing I noticed about Qdoba was that it was freaking cold and nobody was smiling. I don't blame them; how many people like eating spicy food while still wearing their jacket? Must be an off day, I thought. How bad could it be?

My guest and I then made our order. She's not terribly adventurous, so she got a cheese quesadilla. The guy got it wrong and began packing on the meat. She asked for no guac, he threw on guac. I'll admit that it's not an exciting order, but just how much does one need to suck at listening to screw up an order for a "cheese quesadilla no guac"? While that drama was happening, I examined the menu. There were some interesting-looking entree options, but we're on a mission for the city's best burrito, so that's what I got, opting for flat iron steak over regular beef.

We went to pay. I got an impulse chocolate chip cookie. I said I'll pay with credit, but first I wanted to know how much it costs to see if I can gain or lose a few items to stay on budget. She said "I don't know, please give me your card." I don't know? How don't you know? You just rang me up, it's right in front of you! So before I know what's happening, I've paid $20 for a burrito, a quesadilla, a cookie and two sodas.

$20. Let me put that in perspective. I could have gotten FOUR delicious, stuffed, interesting burritos from El Pelon for the price of one burrito and two side orders at Qdoba. That same meal PLUS chips, PLUS rice and beans was $15 at Chipotle, and it tasted better.

Oh yeah. The food sucked too. Bland, unevenly mixed, more of a poorly wrapped dumpling than a burrito. The flat iron steak option added nothing over regular beef.

After that, the tiny, normally forgivable things started to bug me. The chairs weren't comfortable. The clientele all had stupid haircuts. The top of the trash was too small for the plates. The Q in their logo looked like a hammer & sickle.

I'm not being a snob when I say skip this place. Too much money for not enough food with not enough going on.

(Pass This Burrito by Kristofer Jenson)